Fuck No! Periods and Brotips

Alright fuckers. I'm taking a break tonight. Tonight is about funny shit. Thanks to the fabulous world of Facebook, I've found some hilarious shit. These websites are a must.

The first website is for girls. Ladies.. I have one word: Mother-fucking-nature. :)

http://fuckno-periods.tumblr.com/

The second website is for the men folk out there. This shit is spot on. Learn from it. 

http://brotips.tumblr.com/

I'm going to be pretty pissed if you read this blog and are like "I'm not going to look at this shit." Click that fucking link!!!!!!!!! 

What exactly is that shit?

Merriam Webster defines love as : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>

Who in the fuck uses those definitions for love? I sure as hell don't. 

Yeah, it's a logical definition for love. But if you think about it, what does love mean to the average person? 

To me, it depends on the type of love.. We have love for our kids, our family, our friends, etc. But obviously the type of love I am focusing on is relationship love. 

I see love for the opposite sex in many different facets. Let's say I meet someone. We date, hang out, whatever. The more time we spend together, the more you learn about that person and the more you see the things you like about them.. Or in some instances, it's just not happening for you and you go your separate ways. I think the defining moment of actually realizing you are in love with someone hits you 938570243 different ways. 

Me, for instance... Little things matter most. Having someone around that is accepting of how much of a wild child I am, is really paramount. I'm WEIRD. Let's face it. If you know me, I'm a fucking reeeeeeeeeeetard. I am all over the place, I'm loud, obnoxious (at times), spunky, crazy, off the wall, insecure, goofy, romantic, outgoing and cheesy. I really do march to the beat of my own drum. I have a metric shit ton of tattoos, and pink, blue, black and purple hair that I regularly wear in the same piggy tails I did when I was knee high to a grasshopper and missing my two front teeth. I tell stupid ass fucking jokes and there are times where I just make NO damn sense at all. Anyone who can embrace it, enjoy it and appreciate it.. you just scored MAJOR brownie points. I'm a handful.. Like seriously.. I'm a pain in the ass. I make no bones about it! I have an attitude. I can be a bitch. I have my way about doing things and I don't stray from it. BUT.. as long as I'm not provoked or pushed to go into bitch mode, I'm pretty damn awesome. Fuck that, I'm bad ass. And don't mistake that for being conceited. It's taken me a LONG time to be comfortable with who I am.. I think Marilyn Monroe said it best "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” That shit is right on the money. I pretty much just have this 'fuck you' attitude to anyone who doesn't like the way I am or complains about it. But if you can see past ALLLLLLLLLLLLL that shit and still think the sun shines out of my ass (props to Juno for that little snippet), then you have some cajones and it's all the more reason I'd be inclined to love the shit outta you. 

Given my bad ass attitude, I'm a hopeless romantic. I believe in PDA, pet names, affection (and lots of it).. I am the type of girl who will bend over backwards for the person she loves and as I said before.. I go balls deep and love 110%. I believe in spoiling the person that I am with.. not just monetarily (even though I'm pretty much a broke ass bitch), but emotionally and mentally.. Really any capacity... I am the ultimate giver. Unfortunately, not everyone is like me. And that sucks.. Cause when you don't give someone your best (granted, they have to earn the right to get your best), it's not a fair relationship. I can't give someone all I am and not get the same back. It just doesn't work for me. It's the equivalent to giving a meth head some vicodin. It just ain't the same.. and while it might work a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit, it's not going to satisfy that craving/want/need, et cetera... I need someone who is on my level. And why should I have to settle for anything less?

Fuck. I think I went a little off the whole subject. Yay for rambling. :) 

So back to being in love.. There's always that one moment where a fucking light goes off in your head and you are like "OH FUCK. I love this person. I'm IN love with this person." It's that moment of twitterpation. (If you fucktards dont know what twitterpaited is, I suggest you watch some damn Bambi.) Maybe they do something that just blows your mind. Maybe it's waking up next to them and realizing that you could do that for the rest of your life. Maybe it's how they always make sure you get the last little bite of their most favoritest ice cream.. or they let you hold the umbrella when it's raining and they suffer through the whole soaking wet ordeal. Maybe it's the time where you are sick as fucking dog and they don't care.. they just take care of you... Everyone is different. Hell, I'm sure what would make me fall in love with someone isn't what makes you fall in love. I mean, shit, you might fall in love with the way someone wipes their ass. I don't fucking know. But when it happens, you know. 

And fuck your life when it happens. Then you are faced with the whole "Omg-I-just-realized-I-love-this-person,-now-when-the-fuck-do-I-say-it-because-I-don't-wanna-say-it-and-look-like-a-complete-idiot" sitch. Then you go opening your big mouth, saying "I love you" and they just look at you and go "Aww. Thanks" or some fucked up shit like that. If that happens, you just wanna go crawl under a huge ass rock.. Or better yet, you just wanna shoot yourself in the fucking face because you feel like a fucking retard. That's a bitch. Me, personally.. I refuse to say it first. I might know beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I'm not fucking saying it and looking like a jackass. Stupid, right? FUCK that. Now, I've said before.. why hold back on saying something that you might not get to say tomorrow. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. I know. But still!!!!! Think about it! We spend out whole life making sure we don't make complete asses of ourselves. But saying "I love you" isn't some paltry ass shit! That's life changing kinda crap. 

Ugh. Fucking dilemmas. This is one of those times I hate and love love at the same time. It's so damn complicated but it's the most awesome shit in the fucking world. 

I leave you with one of the most bad ass fucking quotes to ever be said.. 
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." 

I'm out. It's time for an Uncrustable and a YooHoo. FUCK YES. 

THE most amazing song.. EVER. 

It explains everything.... <3

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed that I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Bullshit!

"There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it." - Ernest Hemingway

OK, not necessarily. Mr. Hemingway, peep this... 

Say I'm married to a fucking awesome person. I love him, he loves me and we have our idea of a perfectly imperfect marriage. Yes, my ass is gonna die. And he will kick the bucket eventually too. And one of you is gonna do it before the other. Sure, that's sad. But what about all the in-between? So what if you are going to end up 6 feet under one day. That doesn't mean that everything in the middle of the beginning and the end was totally in vain. 

So, as we all know, you spend an ample amount of time weeding through all the men/women you come across in your formative years, trying to find the person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Once you find them, you snatch their ass up and lay claim to them so that no one else can have what you want. Cool. Then after you take the walk of shame, you're on voluntary lock down. You spend the next 394,875,394,785 years together doing God knows what. 

But that lock down is the best mistake you ever made. You are smitten with them and every other man/woman is just one of those pixelated blobs walking around. You've got tunnel vision when it comes to your spouse. This is the person that you are comfortable with in your own skin. This is the person who would go with you if you wanted to go break dance on a sheet of metal in the middle of an epic storm. This is the person who would still love you if you tried to dye your hair blond and it turned out green and fell out in patches. This is the person who would let you shove Cheetos up your nose and not look at you like you were a complete idiot. This is the person who wouldn't care if you wore flip flops in 234 inches of snow if you were so inclined. This is the person who laughs at your jokes no matter how stupid they are. This is the person with whom you could sleep in the same bed, even though they farted in their sleep and snored like a fucking freight train. This is the person who loves you at your worst but sees all the best things in you and about you.. WHAT about that wouldn't make someone able to die happy?! 

If I had someone who loved me for me, HOW could I die unhappy, knowing that I had a kick ass marriage to a bad ass husband that loved me implicitly?! Impossible. 

Think about the people who die without ever having experienced that kind of love. Dude! They are missing out on some awesome ass shit! I'd be more pissed at myself for never having experienced hard core love! "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.." (Or something like that..) YES! A-fucking-men. I feel sorry for anyone who has never had that good, true, twitterpaited love. They just don't know what they are missing.

So, eff you, Mr. Hemingway. I bet you were one of those people who died never knowing what it was like to have that kick ass love... Either that or you just got pissed off that your wife died before you and you didn't have anyone to lay in bed with you after sex and make random wildlife noises. No wonder you wrote dumb shit like that.

~FML. First for real blog, and it's an ADD blog. Oh well. Fuck it. Tornado aftermath status, right here, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ok, so I lied. 

First blog starts... right MEOW. 

It's going to be very simple. It's my absolute favoritest quote by Pablo Neruda, a Chilean poet.. I have this quote tattooed on my arm I love it so much. It's the basis of how I love. Basically, when I love, it's fucking hard core. I don't do that puppy love bullshit. If I love you, I'm going balls deep and it's 110%. And don't question that shit either. THAT pisses me off. 

But I digress. Here's the quote. And yes, you'll think it's the bomb diggity. 

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
 I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride;
 So I love you because I know no other way."

Here goes..

I never intended to start a blog. But shit changes. 

I guess when you have random thoughts running through your head, sometimes you just need to GET IT OUT. There are lots of things that I could write about and I'm positive I'll touch on those subjects eventually. 

What consumes my brain the most though, is love. I hate it. I love it. So why not write about it.. 

I'm going to need to collect my thoughts before I write my first "official" blog. Ok, maybe not 'collect' my thoughts, but organize them. The 'love' section of my brain is equivalent to the aftermath of a tornado. Shit is all over the damn place. I'll warn you now though.. Sometimes I won't collect my thoughts and I'll just ramble on about crap. But if you have half a damn brain or decent comprehension skillz, I'm sure you'll be smart enough to figure it out. 

So, that being said.. I'm going to get my shit together and start on my first official blog tomorrow. 

Look out world. <3

P.S.: My mouth doesn't have a filter, so if you are easily offended by potty mouth (and lots of it), I suggest you go find a blog written by a kindergartner or a nun. :)